No, I am no druggy. No druggy at all! I am not talking about "hitting" anything illegal for the Americans and legal for Canadians.

 

I am talking about hits on my space.

 

 

I am such a baby, I complain about my number of hits, and celebrate when I get more than 100 in a week. Plus, they are practically all I ever blog about, and they are the complete subject of today's entry, because I am lazy and all I have in my life right now is golf, and golf is not something that anyone wants to read about daily. Especially when the daily news is "Yes, I did manage to score under 100 on the front nine today! Yay, and good for me!"

 

So I will talk about hits.

 

 

I have 3800 (it's been over a minute since I last looked, though; maybe I have 3801 by now).

 

 

 

For those of you  who don't know how to check the number of hits you have on your space, I shall tell you now.

 

While editing your space, simply click on "Settings". It is in the top right corner, right next to "Customize". Once you are on the "Settings" page, you should see little tabs near the top, right under Home, Profile, Blog, etc. Some of the tabs are "Space Settings",  "Blog Settings", and "Permissions". One more of them is "Statistics". Click on "Statistics", and you should end up on a page that makes it quite obvious how many hits you have!

 

There, you were rewarded by coming to my space with knowledge of your own!

 

 

 

You know who's nice? Kamry. Here ya go, Kamry.

 

 

P.S. WHOOPS! If the space is private, then oh well. Kam, just make it public for like a week.

 

love, ben the INFORMATIVE!

 

 

Today was a two-thumbs-down-day.

 

It started out fine: I knew what was coming with the physical and all, but most of it was fun. Take my blood pressure= left thumb is twitching in the upward direction. Take my pulse= I'm thinking, Hey! This isn't half bad! Left thumb is getting higher. Test my reflexes= Hey! That's a funny little orange hammer! And that kinda tickled! Left thumb takes a huge swing vertically. Give my belly a slight massage, make me stretch and stuff= Man, this is boring. Thumb teeters a little downward. Takes out this funny little looky-at-eyes-and-ears light thingy, inspects eyes and ears= Hee hee! Thumb swings up again. Instructs me to pull down pants in order for him to check for hernias= Hell no! I thought he would forget! Damn! Thumbs teeters heavily, preparing to nosedive... Actual check is performed= Ahhh! What the hell?!? NOOOOO! Why is this happening to me? This is a dude! A frickin dude! I need an adult! I need an adult! And not one who insists on checking my secret parts for sticking-out organs. Thumb plunges in an all-out suicide attempt, almost driving through to the center of the Earth, me having to forcefully stop it.

 

Ick.

 

 

Second account:

 

Went to a funeral today. There was no fun. It was not a laughing matter at all. My right thumb knew what to expect, and had totally bombed downward by the end. Not quite as exciting a tale as a sports physical, but still thumbsdownworthy after all. No story. Just a funeral. Just sad. Thumbs down.

 

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Today could also be described as a two-thumbs-up-day.

 

I called my mom to ask if she could pick me up from practice tomorrow, and she told me to got to Muse Monkey's space. I did so, and saw that she had a big banner directing people to my site and telling them how great I am. Well, I don't know if I'm that great, but it was an awful nice gesture. One thumb way up for that.

 

Which leads me to my second thumb. I checked my hits. I have 46 today alone! 46! Yes! Other thumb up, too.

 

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The other day, I happened to stumble across a site of somebody who called herself Muse Monkey. The site was a-"muse"-ing (ha, lamorific), and I left a comment on it. She returned the favor by not only commenting twice on my site, but by telling all visitors to her site to come to mine! Yay! That is why I say, with total loudness and proudness,

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yikes! I have tons to tell.

 

 

First of all, last week I had over 120 hits on my space (I know, it seems little, but it's big to me), and this week, already in its SECOND DAY, I only have nine. Yikes. Super yikes. I need to do something about this.

 

Next, I am in golf. It was obvious with the entry about me being in golf pictures, but in case you missed the point: I am in golf. And today was supposed to be the first practice. I, of course, had to miss it, because I have not yet had a physical. I hate stupid rules. It's not like I'm gonna give everyone testicular cancer just by practicing with them! That's bs! Fo sho! Grrr. Stupid rules.

 

Wednesday is my physical. Wednesday is also a funeral that I am going to. I am going to miss school that day; I would say "yay" but it's a funeral. You know. There are kind of some rules that go along with funerals. Not saying "yay" is one of them.

 

As for April Fools' Day, I got fooled. But I also did some fooling of my own! HAHAHAHAHA!

 

School: we have a test tomorrow. I cannot believe it! Our last test in that class was less than a month ago. Usually they are like two-and-a-half months apart! Weird. In algebra we are learning this stupid hard crap that I hate and I wish we could just go back to slope-intercept form! I miss it. And next year I might get to be in geometry with my older brother! He will be a junior and I will be a freshman! I will be fourteen and he will be sixteen! HAHAHAHAHA!

 

 

Some words that are fun to say:

 

Agapanthus

Colloquialism

Marsupial

Anesthesia

Unununium

Dodecahedron

Monotonous

 

 

 

love, ben the MONOTONOUS!

 

I stayed at the high school (golf pictures). I had to wear a shirt that was an XXL. Extra, EXTRA large. It was a dress; past my knees, almost to my wrists. But it was tucked in. But that is beside the point. It was big. I had my team picture taken... my individual picture... blah blah blah. Boring boring boring.

 

But wait! There's more! Stepdad came to pick me up from the school! I got into the car! We drove home! I got out of the car! I walked up the driveway! I went inside and put my stuff away! I walked to the kitchen counter! I picked up my report card! I looked at it! I noticed no minuses behind any of my As! YES! YES! 4.0! YES!

 

 

Yea, baby. Year GPA: 3.972. Quarter GPA: 4. frickin' 0.

 

 

love, ben the GENIUS!

P.S. I really do not try to be cocky. It was fitting for this entry.

This really is a must-hear story:

 

 

One day, I was walking to the libary. When I got there, I noticed a very odd thing. There was a woof warshing dishes! I was all like, "Ahhhhh! There is a woof warshing dishes!"

 

At this point, of course, I was very flustrated. Very, very flustrated. So I sat down to draw a pitcher. I decided that pitchers tend to sooth me, especially very detailful pitchers of punkins. So I sat down to draw a pitcher of a very mischevious (stress the "eee" sound before the "us" sound) looking punkin.

 

Irregardless of my punkin pitcher, the woof warshing dishes in the libary was still keeping me quite flustrated. Or, put into even simpler terms, fustrated. You know what I mean. So to relieve my fustration I chucked a reraser at the woof. I chucked a bunch at him until he was abruised into submission. Take that, libary woof!

 

 

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Doo-do do. Does anyone else here feel like a complete idiot? If not, maybe these will put me back on the plus:

 

 

A canner exceedingly canny

One morning remarked to his granny

A canner can can

Anything that he can

But a canner can't can a can, can he?

 

 

There was a young lady of Harris

Whom nothing could ever embarass

'Til the salts that she shook

In the bath that she took

Turned out to be Plaster of Paris.

 

There was a young maid from Madras

Who had a magnificent ass;

Not rounded and pink

As you probably think-

But 'twas gray, had long ears, and ate grass.

 

 

love, ben the AMAZING!

Boing! (Spring noise). It is spring! BOING! Whoopty, it is 50 degrees out, whoopty! BOING!

 

 

Love,

Me

 

Today was a blast, you know what I mean? We went to this birthday party in town (I mean a real town), and we had sandwiches and cake and watched a lame (funny, I mean, lamely funny) movie. Ever seen previews for The Shaggy Dog? Very good. In a lame, funny kind of way. Read: little kid movie, be prepared to laugh at the lame jokes that are intensely laughable for 6-year-olds. Don't think I'm not grateful; it was a blast and, whether for the intended reasons or not, it was funny.

 

The cheese on the sandwiches was good, too! And there was fresh (I assume) pineapple. Mmmmm, that is good. Especially with that strawberry dip stuff.

 

The cake was marble. Very (admittedly, I'm not being cruel here) last minute, but good anyway. Quite good indeed. The delicious piece that I ate was clumsily dropped (by Whacko Jacko, no less) onto the undoubtedly revolting movie theatre floor, frosting-side down. I, being the mighty non-sissy that I am, scraped off the frosting and ate the cake part in one bite. Mmmmm again.

 

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It has been an interesting weekend. Interesting indeed. Had some good-ass pizza last night, as well as cake, spaghetti, garlic bread, and delicious salad with homemade dressing.

 

Did this thing at church yesterday, Mom probably has a very long and easily-read entry from a month or two back. Just go to her site.

 

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I love me!

 

My whole life is a big damn bowl of soup. And now there will be peppers in the soup. Deal with it.

 

 

Also, notice the new lists. And notice the ones that you can't notice anymore because they have been removed.

 

We have another snow day here in Southeastern Minnesota. We didn't get that much last night, but today we've gotten like 6 more inches! It is freakin sweet to live in Minnesota, especially in our area because we get the most snow. HA!

 

So I just got back from riding. FINALLY I got to go, because somebody took the initiative to go with me. Yes! It was fun but it was my first time riding as hard as we did (which, by the way, was not very hard because I suck), so I had a little bit of trouble. But it was fun I guess.

 

Bad news: although I got to stay home from school today due to its closing, I HAD TO GET UP EARLY ANYWAY FOR A STUPID ORTHO APPOINTMENT! Which was dumb anyway because all they did was pry open my mouth and say, "Looks good. See you in three months." Literally!

Good news: I was at the Hy-Vee Bakery getting some donuts (bavarian cream filled maple long john), I saw it. The one. The only. The almighty. The immaculate NANAIMO BAR!

 

 

LA-LALA! I love snow!

 

 

Love, Ben

 

 

Sometimes I feel like nothing that happens to me really stands out and that it all melts together. That is weird but I don't care because I can be weird if I want to!

 

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Well, today is a snow day. This big surprise blizzard-like thing smashed into Minnesota and there are like tons and tons of schools closed statewide today and ours was one of them so yay!

 

I do not know what to do with my time because I gave up Playstation 2 for Lent. Not that I am such a boring loser that I can't come up with something better to do than stare at a screen all day. Or am I? Probably.

 

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Now I have been slapped in the face, because this big event occurred and now everything is all screwed up again whereas it was all going perfectly fine and dandy. But now my world has been turned upside-down and I feel like nobody will ever be able to deal with things and this sucks because everything was fine and perfect and someone royally f***ed it up!

 

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Oh, and I have to present a book report on Thursday. Maybe Friday now, because of the snow day. I am ready to do it like right now though. The suspense is killing me.

 

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Why do I even bother? Nobody wants to come to my space anymore anyway because they are expecting me to like not have blogged for a week, which is usually true. Only the awesomely cool people visit my space! Here is a big green and white sticker to place wherever you want to and assume that I actually gave you one because that is the prize for coming here. And tell your friends about the awesome sticker you get for coming here. It is comprised of my two favorite colors! AKA the best sticker ever invented!

 

 

P.S. The sticker can actually be anything you want it to be so long as it is green and white.

 

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"Look! Is Malcolm in Middle!"

"I'm not a boy!"

"Yes you ahh...."

 

(The "ahh" is a Chinese guy saying "are")

 

I should not have to explain what this is from.

We love you, Benedict XVI, but go to heaven. We want Rob for Pope. Or at least I do. But do I count? No! Rob for nonPope! Ha! Tricked ya there, didn't I?

 

 

Ben, Campaign Manager Extraordinaire

 

 

P.S. The answer to the question I asked is no, I didn't trick you.

Well, somebody needs to make a new entry. Yes, if you guessed, and you said smish, or possibly EdgyKay, or someone else, then you were wrong, but if you said me, you are also wrong, because I have no obligation to do what you Internet dictators tell me to do now stop trying to poison me!

 

Ok, well I have decided now (on my own, mind you) that I need to make a new entry. And here goes.

 

 

Friday, March 3rd, 2006, 3:30-8:30 P.M.-

 

 Regional meet for Academic Triathlon. Team consisted of K****, M****, J******, C***, and Me (the almighty). We placed first (one hundred points) in Face-Off (you know, the trivia one). We placed first (one hundred points) in Mind Sprints (the mentally challenging one). We place last (twenty points) in P.A.R.T.Y. (the stupid skit one that I now hate especially the one we had to do because it was hard and dumb). That meant 220 points; that meant third. That meant no state competition, which means I am done with Triathlon. Forever and ever and ever.Too old to compete now. A little sad, a little relieving.

 

 

Saturday, March 4th, 2006, 9:00A.M.-2:00P.M., St. Thomas University, Saint Paul, Minnesota-

 

State meet for Science Olympiad. Team was me and I think fourteen other people. Many of them I do not like. It is not necessary for me to "name" them. Well, anyway, there were sixteen events (sciency ones) and I participated in three. They were: Heredity, my favorite one, identifying genes, defects, making Punnett Squares, reading karyotypes and pedigrees, that kind of crap;   Disease Detectives, my least favorite, I expected it to be like analyzing sick people, hypothesizing, etc, but only half of it was, the rest was like cells and tissues and other boringly confusing things;   Science of Fitness, very fun, a little hard, identifying muscles, bones, nerves, labeling pictures of eyes and brains and junk. They were all kinda cool.

I thought the Heredity test was super easy, the Science of Fitness one was easy but hard because we only had like 2 minutes per station, and the Disease Detectives was just confusing. Okay, so enough small talk. I got second (remember, this is out of thirty teams statewide, and I was all alone in all of my events) in Science of Fitness. I got fourth in Heredity, and sixth in Disease Detectives. Awesome! Overall, my team got second! Out of thirty statewide! If we would have gotten first, we would have gone to nationals in Indiana! Three cheers for us!

 

 

Monday, March 6th, 2006, 8:15 A.M.-

 

I find out that one of my good friends qualified for the state geography bee! Way to go T*****!

 

 

What a very exciting life I lead. Half a month and that's all the excitement I get.

 

 

Ben the Almighty

Well, Jack and I just got back from delivering our shoppers in the sub-zero temperatures (my second-to-last week!) and we were layin' in our bedroom. I was like, "Poke me!" and so he poked me in the stomach and I was all like, "Hoo-hoo!"

 

And then I was all like, "Hey! Do it again!" and so he poked me a couple of times and on the third time I was like, "Bitch knock it off!" and I broke his arm.

 

Then he did one (which he will tell you about on his space).

 

Then I did one which was like he poked me a couple of times and then I threw up.

 

Then he did one (which he will tell you about on his space).

 

Then he poked me a couple of times and I started choking and gasping for breath and then I died.

 

Then he did one (which he will tell you about on his space).

 

Then he poked me once and I went, "Self-destruct in five, four, three, two, one, KABOOOOOOOOMCRAAAASHPAKEEEEEEEEEEEWWBOOOM."

 

Poppin' Fresh is a little liar. What do you think he would really say if someone jabbed him in the gut?

 

 

Although I do love it when he does that little dance.

 

 

Love,

Ben

Well, I was all la-de-da on Wednesday night when I heard there was a blizzard coming late Wednesday through Thrustday. I was like,

 

"Yea! I love snow!" And my brothers/dad were all like,

 

"You won't have school tomorrow."

 

And so yesterday we didn't have school and I was all like,

 

"Sweet! La-de-da, let's go snowmobiling!" Only to look outside and find we only have like 3 inches of snow. For all of you non-snowmobilers, that is not enough to ride! Damn it!

 

And so this morning I was a little angry because all day yesterday was spent bored by daytime t.v. and eating cake and other snacky foods and playing board games and card games and playing with the dogs and eating tough steak for supper. Mainly because the weatherman told me on Wednesday that we should expect 6-10 inches of snow by this morning and I was just eagerly anticipating it and not going outside because I wanted my clothes to be dry for today. And what did we get added to our 3 inches overnight last night?? Zero! NONE!

 

And today I get to do my shopper route. Yes!

 

 

Love, Ben

 

P.S. Thrustday sounds much better than boring old "Thursday", if you ask me. I especially like "pelvic Thrustday".

My surprise was meant to be that, on my birthday, I would claim that I had nothing to talk about and end the entry. I would then sign into my space the next day and say, "Oh, suckas, I forgot yesterday was my birthday! Now you can't say happy birthday to me!" and so on.

 

But the surprise was ruined. Hence this sexily thought-up title. Yes, I know, it is great. But moving on, somebody had to ruin the surprise. Her name starts with K/M, although she does not support the Komets. Her name ends with Y/M, and she knows who she is. Yes, Kay/Mom, it was you who ruined the surprise! Way to go!

 

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On to other issues, I called the shopper lady on Friday and told her to call me back because I quit. She called me yesterday after school and asked me what I wanted (like the skank didn't already know). I explained how much my job sucked, and how much I hated it, and how I was underpaid, and continued on, yada yada, I QUIT! She was all kind and fake and oh, yea, ok, I understand, it's a thirty day notice, so your last weekend is March 4 or earlier if we find someone. Like she really understands.

 

Gadzooks I can't stand her. And Mom, you know she is a skank.

 

 

Lovingly and with love on this Valentine's day,

 

Belnojvaemin

 

P.S. That is just my name with "love" incorporated into it.

 

P.P.S. I advertised you, Mom, and you know what that means.

 

 

Ho-ly cow. This school year is going by me way fast. It is already the second semester! It is already the third quarter! I have gotten nothing but As, of course.

 

As and a detention! Yah! I got a detention for throwing paper. Sure, it hit a girl, and I guess it might have hurt her a little, but a detention? I hate my principal. He is so not my "pal." In fact, I might have to start calling him my principle. Even when I talked to the girl (who happens to be one of my semi-friends) afterward, she seemed fine! Her exact words were, "It didn't really hurt. It just surprised me!" Well, jeez. It was paper, for Christ's sake.

 

 

Ok, well, that said, I would just like to note that Science Olympiad thing I talked about last entry (two entries ago?). WOO-HOO! Three whoops for that! I competed in mystery architecture (build this surprise structure on site in 40 minutes), and got SEVENTH out of NINE. But, in heredity (take this four-page test on blood types, monohybrid/dihybrid crosses, you get the picture) I placed FIRST out of nine. Yay for me! And then, with that surprise win in heredity, my team got second overall! Yay!

 

 

Oh, and then in Academic Triathlon? The one I was really excited about? We got second out of nine! Yay, we are going to regionals! Four more whoops!

 

 

What else is new... I don't really know! Maybe I will know tomorrow. Or whatever.

 

 

 

Oh yea, P.S. I have really not been on the computer much at my dad's house lately, so sorry about the (seemingly eternal) wait.

I was just looking back at my archives and I have like 4,150,000,000 entries per month. Almost. But they are all like three sentences long. Whoa.

 

"I got an A in math! Whooptidy dooptidy doo!" 10/10, Ben! Definitely Grade A! Charles Dickens, Jr.!

 

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I use these little line thingies a lot now. Ooh. Maybe a little too much.

 

Ok, anyway, we had the day off of school today because of the end of the quarter/semester. I thought I would sleep in. Woo! I slept in 'til 8:30! I wanted to play PS2 all day, but then I felt Jack hanging around like some frickin' clingy monkey, so I got off of that. I decided to settle down to enjoy some t.v. instead, but has anyone tried to watch daytime t.v. before? Especially on a MONDAY?? God, kill me now. Ok, well great day off for me! At least I didn't have to go to school.

 

 

I got my snowmobile operator's permit on Saturday! Yay yay yay! Happy happy, I can drive now, and I can do it safely and legally! Or whatever. But sweet! Be sure to congratulate Jack. He got his, too. Whoa.

 

Ooh, and we got to go snowmobiling yesterday! On three inches of snow. But still.

 

 

Who wants to play a new gameshow?

 

Welcome to Update This Space, folks! For those of you who weren't here for the first half of this particular episode, Beano is in dead last! With -41,601 points, why haven't we kicked him off yet? Probably for shock value.

 

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Ok, well anyway, sorry about the whole not updating thing, but I guess I just "space"d it off for a few weeks. Haha, funny little pun there. Well, news. I lost miserably in the Geography Bee (have I said that already?), my reasoning being, 'Oh, well, I only care about the spelling bee anyway.' Which I also bombed. Zing! There goes me on my FIRST WORD, arsen. I mean arson. Who cares about frickin' fire any-frickin'-way? Uggh, bitter from defeat, as usual.

 

Boo-hoo, poor me.

 

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Well, at least I have more Triathlon in February. First practice January 25, second January 30. Oh, and there you go, Mom, those are the dates. Ha!

 

The day after I have this Science Olympiad thing. Not so excited about it, but I will do well, even though it is hideously sciencey. My categories, for example, are heredity and mystery architecture. Ehh, excitement is pouring out of my ears. Gloop gloop.

 

B-day is also in February. Hopefully it will pass quietly and nobody will have to obnoxiously sing to me in school and/or over the Internet/phone, et cetera. At least it's during a weekend.

 

 

 

Oh yea, what do I want??? Many people have asked me, (two maybe?) and I don't know what to say!

 

 

+ben

Today at treatment, yes, treatment, we had a family day with Jacob. We all got to say something to Jacob; Dad, Mom, Stepmom, Stepdad, older brother, stepbrother, younger brother, and I. And he didn't get to say anything back! You heard right. Not a word. It was great!

 

When it came to be our turn (or, when it started, being that I went first), each of us told Jacob how we felt about his drug use. And we told Jacob about the stupid things that he did while he was "using". And we told him what the atmosphere around home was like during his use. It was all very moving. And emotional. And, most of all, cliche. It was weird, though, because the colossal cliche of a technique worked.

 

I say it worked because everyone cried. Everyone, that is, but me. I'm not coldhearted; I'm practical, and matter-of-fact, and realistic, and to the point. And coldhearted.

 

 

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I may have been a little annoyed, though, because I heard many of Jacob's fellow druggies whispering to each other that I was "cute". I suspect this to mean that they thought I was like eight or something. Which I'm not. I'm 113.

 

 

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What a busy weekend I have planned! Tomorrow (maybe) will be bowling with friends, Friday (almost for sure) will be staying the night with friend, Saturday night will be me partying* to celebrate New Year's Eve, Sunday will be moving back to Dad's house and going down to visit  Mr. POTato HEAD.

 

Oh, what a clever little punnist I am!

 

 

 

*Partying= Staying up until midnight eating candy, cheese and crackers, and shrimp cocktail, and drinking Dr. Pepper and doing puzzles, then counting down to double-o six and banging pots and pans together at midnight. I sure am a hardcore party animal.

WHOOP! WHOOP!

 

We had a snow day today. The feeling of being informed at 6:15 A.M. that school is cancelled is indescribably wonderful. Of course, I couldn't get to sleep with excitemen anyway. I was only half sleeping 'til I got out of bed at eight thirty or so.

 

For luch, Gabe and my stepbrother Craig came over and picked us up on SNOWMOBILES (two more whoops) to go to my dad's house to eat spaghetti. After that, we hooked up the sled to the SNOWMOBILE (maybe three whoops this time) and got drug around for a bit. Then I got to drive. WHOOP WHOOP!

 

 

Then we came back here for ultimate boredom/homework.

 

 

)Ben(